Love, Money, and the Early Years: What No One Talks About

By Sterwyn Financial | Strategist Ledger Series

Most couples know they’ll need to talk about money… eventually.

But what about at the beginning — when love is new, everything’s exciting, and no one wants to ruin the vibe by asking, “Hey, what’s your credit score?”

The truth is, the early days of a relationship shape how money is handled — sometimes for years to come. Yet this critical chapter is rarely discussed, planned for, or even acknowledged.

So let’s talk about it.

🔹 Unspoken Expectations (and Where They Come From)

Even if you're not talking about money directly, it's always in the room — especially in the beginning. First dates, grocery runs, vacations, and even gift-giving all quietly trigger assumptions like:

• Who pays for what?

• Is it okay to ask about someone’s job, debt, or income?

• What does it mean if one person always “treats” the other?

These expectations are shaped by family upbringing, past experiences, gender roles, cultural norms, and internalized ideas of worth.

The problem? When you don't talk about them, they set the tone for an unspoken financial power dynamic — one that can silently grow as the relationship evolves.

🔹 When Both Partners Start With Little

For couples who start with modest means, there’s often a strong “team” mentality:

“We’re building this together.”

Wins feel shared. Sacrifices feel mutual. There's a sense of growing through struggle. But this also brings challenges like:

• Unequal ambition or work ethic

• Internalized shame around financial scarcity

• Burnout from carrying more of the load

Without conscious effort, emotional and financial fatigue can start to erode the partnership — even with love intact.

🔹 What Happens When One Partner’s Income Grows?

Fast forward a few years.

Maybe one partner gets a promotion, starts a business, or inherits money. Suddenly, the dynamic changes.

And with it comes potential strain:

• One partner feels less important or “behind”

• The other unintentionally starts making more decisions

• Shared goals become fuzzy as lifestyles shift unevenly

Even positive changes — like increased income — can bring emotional landmines if they weren’t discussed openly.

🔹 Best-Case vs. Worst-Case Scenarios

Best Case:

• Both partners have regular financial check-ins

• Income changes are treated as shared wins, not power shifts

• Financial goals reflect mutual dreams, not solo plans

• Contributions are equitable — even if not equal

Worst Case:

• One partner becomes financially dependent without clarity or boundaries

• The higher earner starts controlling decisions or using money to "correct" behavior

• The lower earner begins to self-censor or shrink in the relationship

• Resentment builds silently, disguised as “being supportive”

🔹 So What Can Couples Do?

Talk early. Talk often. Talk honestly. Money doesn’t have to be a scary conversation — especially when it’s approached with curiosity instead of judgment.

Ask each other:

• What did money look like in your home growing up?

• What are your financial fears or triggers?

• What does financial freedom look like to you?

Then use tools like budgeting apps, shared Google Sheets, or conversation cards to create regular “money dates” where these questions evolve as your relationship does.

💬 Final Thought

Money doesn’t change people. It reveals what’s been quietly unspoken.

The earlier couples can align on expectations, values, and responsibilities, the stronger their foundation will be — no matter what life (or income) throws their way.