Pre-Marital Money Talks: What to Know Before You Say “I Do”

Lane Miller
Jul 29
3 min read

When you’re in love and planning your future, money might not be the most romantic topic on your list. But when it comes to protecting that future — financially and emotionally — there’s no conversation more important.

Before you move in, merge accounts, or walk down the aisle, talk about your money. Not just the bills or budget — but the beliefs, baggage, and boundaries that come with it.

A strong relationship deserves a strong foundation — and that includes knowing what you’re walking into financially, together.

💡 Why These Conversations Matter

Marriage or long-term cohabitation is more than love — it’s also a legal and financial contract, whether formal or informal.

If you skip the money conversation, you’re setting up your relationship to run on assumptions, which often become resentments.

Here’s how to get ahead of that — with clarity, empathy, and shared intention.

🔍 Key Topics to Cover Before You Commit

1. What’s Your Full Financial Picture?

Lay it all out — no surprises.

Income sources
Debt (credit cards, student loans, taxes)
Credit score
Savings and retirement accounts
Any support or obligations (child support, family assistance)

💬 Ask each other: “Is there anything I should know now — before we legally or financially tie ourselves together?”

2. Do You Have Financial Red Flags or Dealbreakers?

This isn’t about shaming. It’s about protecting each other.

Red flags to watch for:

Hidden accounts or spending habits
Gambling, addiction, or financial instability
Controlling or evasive behavior around money
Poor follow-through on financial responsibilities

If any of these are present, pause the commitment timeline and seek professional guidance before proceeding.

3. How Will We Structure Our Finances?

Choose a system — merged, separate, or hybrid — that reflects your values, income, and comfort levels. (See Article 3: Yours, Mine, Ours)

Key decisions:

Will we open a joint account?
How will bills and savings be divided?
Do we want full transparency or partial independence?

💡 There’s no one-size-fits-all system — just the one you both agree on.

4. Should We Consider a Prenup or Legal Agreement?

A prenup doesn’t mean you expect to divorce — it means you’re thinking clearly in advance.

Consider one if:

One partner has significantly more assets or income
There are children from a prior relationship
A business, inheritance, or family property is involved

Also talk about:

Wills, powers of attorney, and healthcare directives
Life insurance policies and beneficiaries

These are hard conversations — but they show maturity, not mistrust.

5. Are We Financially Aligned for the Future?

Talk about goals — but also timelines and tradeoffs.

Do you want to buy a house, travel, start a business, or raise kids?
How do you feel about debt?
Are you both savers, spenders, or somewhere in between?
Are we prepared to live within our means if circumstances change?

The goal here isn’t to agree on everything. It’s to understand what matters most to each other.

💬 What to Say

Here’s a script to start the conversation:

“I want us to start our life together from a place of honesty and strength. Can we set aside time to talk about our finances — openly and without judgment — so we can protect what we’re building and make sure we’re on the same page?”